Wednesday Randomness is a regular feature. The topics are random and so are my thoughts.
I wish I’d learned how to balance work and personal shit WAAAAYYYY sooner than I did.
Okay, I’m not a pro at this yet, but I’m working on it. And, maybe I need to work a little more on balancing my writing life and my ‘other’ life.
Legit, I came by the Wonder Woman trait naturally. My mom did everything and she made it look effortless. I guess that’s why I thought I could work a full-time teaching job, go to school full-time for my master’s degree, and still manage to be a soccer mom and do a whole bunch of other shit that was expected.
I wish I’d learned to be present and enjoy my kids’ childhoods while they were young–to enjoy watching Oldest dance around the soccer field picking dandelions. To look over Middle’s shoulder while she was exploring drawing. To build stuff with Youngest.
I wish I’d learned that my kids didn’t need me to be perfect and to have them engage in all-the-things with me present physically–I remember sitting in the MomMobile during soccer practices trying to write a paper on my laptop and hoping the battery would hold out for the entire practice. I remember sitting on the sidelines during games with a textbook in my lap and having another parent nudge me when my kid was on the field.
I wish I’d learned how to play first-person shooter video games so I could slay baddies with my son. Momma doesn’t have that kind of eye-hand coordination (nor the ability to not vomit from motion sickness) and is a hinderance to any co-op game I might try to play.
I wish I’d learned all my kids needed was for me to be happy.
They needed a Zen Mom–one who would laugh and be silly and not have to stay up until all hours of the night and then get them ready for school in the morning before heading off to teach for eight hours and bring home another two hours (at least) of grading or lesson planning. They needed a mom that would be able to give them her full attention while watching Clarissa Explains it All or Hey, Arnold!
Eventually, I got a clue, though. My kids are pretty much grown, but I make time for them and try to be present when we’re able to be together. Tomorrow, I’ll have all three of them under the same roof for the first time since January. It’s APRIL. My MomHeart struggles with these things.
Even though I will probably have papers to check, lessons to prep, words to write, things to edit, I’m going to step away from the computer for the night. I’m going to immerse myself in the goofiness that is my spawn together in one room. I’m going to laugh–and I’ll probably cry, too. Tears of joy. I’ll balance.
Check out what the other wonderful women wish they’d known sooner: